The Endless Search

On the 15th of this month, I will have one year sober! It has been a long year, full of some personal growth and a lot of heartache, but I am coming through the other side stronger than ever! I am returning to college in January, which is exciting after so long. The last year has really tested me, however my sobriety has nothing to do with that. I went through several phases of different spiritual quests, trying to find my place in the world and search for some kind of higher power. I wanted answers and definitely some kind of guidance. Comfort, as well. I found each of those temporarily, but then was let down each time, until I decided to turn inward. What I discovered is that my higher power is within me and I am the only one who can provide strength for myself. That I feel empowered when I choose to, I depress when I choose to. This year, I am focusing specifically on Gratitude. Through all the heated discussions with my husband this year, one thing I have really realized is that the main difference between he and I, that I didn't really notice until now, is that I am always wanting more, I get bored easily and he is happy with what we have, where we live, what we do, as long as it's together. And I have been pushing him. To get a big house, to buy better vehicles, to travel, etc. I find myself wondering "Where did this restlessness come from?" What exactly am I lacking? A Job for one. Fulfilling hobbies, definitely. Also, the question of kids has been a big problem for us in the last 4 years, it keeps surfacing. I realized that I really love sharing knowledge with kids, watching them learn and grow, think for themselves and expand their horizons. THAT is what makes me happy. As I start college this quarter, I am going to study Early Childhood Education to start. It's exciting to finally know what I want to do and be in a place where I am ready to start!!